it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
