I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm having to shit out rocks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
