well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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