Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
