I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
