I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
