I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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