Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
