I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize