fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
