I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
