How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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