I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
