So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
