You smell like a Billy Joel song
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
