Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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