so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize