I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
