I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
