i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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