The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize