...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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