I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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