She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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