i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
