i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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