You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
