There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
