My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you would pick up someone in the library
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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