My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
