I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
