LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
