ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
