I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i dont even know how to be here
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
