every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is wine microwaveable?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
