I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize