Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
MIDGETS
????
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
