I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
