I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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