I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
