dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
