I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
