In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
