I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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