I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
