Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
