Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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