i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He has the fingertips of a God
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