i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize