addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
