I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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