im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
