There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
