Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
