I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
