Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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