Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
