i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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