If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
