Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
