Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
