The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
