Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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