The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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