I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize