Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
