i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
