I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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